You can sense that a new chapter is beginning, but that means an old one has to close.
I remember when my first daughter was finishing high school and preparing to go to college. I was clueless and I had no idea where to look for advice or resources. Nobody told me that FAFSA would become a dirty word. I did not know that going on college visits would sometimes feel like you were at a timeshare presentation and how overwhelming this would be.
- I am sad to see you go, but when are you leaving?
This is a transitional time for your student. They look like adults, they wanted to be treated like adults, but they are not. Do you know that boys brains to not fully develop until they are 23 or 24? (If you have a son you totally understand.) Both boys and girls will often develop this...attitude. "You're so annoying!" was the phrase of choice for my youngest daughter. These growing pains are just that, painful. Kids are trying to find their way and who they are. This is certainly not an easy transition. There is a lot of pressure, from culture, friends and yes...family.
Understanding that the behavior is coming from a place of fear and anxiety. They sense the need to fly away and just like a baby bird, sometimes it isn’t pretty. You will all get through this, but if you are like me, at some moment you will ask "when are you leaving?"
- FERPA!
No, it is not a fuzzy toy that you once bought them for their birthday. Rather, once your child is in college you are NOT entitled to any communication about their wellbeing. Not grades, not disciplinary issues, Not even financial issues, or health concerns. You may be paying all their bills, but that doesn't mean anything anymore.
Now meet the fuzzy fella named FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act). With all the paperwork your child will receive, the summer before starting college, don't overlook the FERPA waiver. Make sure your child signs this one and names you as someone entitled to their grades and other pertinent information.
- Medical Power of Attorney
This is vitally important. If you student has a serious medical issue, while they are away, you need to have a medical power of attorney in order to make important decisions about their health and welfare. You will need an attorney to help with this legal document. We all want to believe nothing bad could happen to our child and it probably will not. However, if it does you need to protect yourself and your child just in case.
- HIPAA Authorization
When my child reaches the age of 18, I can no longer get access to their medical records. A HIPAA Authorization Form allows parents to get information about their child’s health and treatment. HIPAA stands for the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996
- Listening Instead of Fixing
The dynamic of my relationship with my children began to change when they left for school. Before, I could tell them when to be home, what time they needed to get up and what they could not spend money on. Guess what, those days are slipping away fast. So here is my words of advice. Become a great listener. Don't be quick so quick to give your opinion or judge theirs. Let them talk and you will learn a lot. When they say things that are not logical, too idealistic or just plain ridiculous, remember you were young once too. I have found that asking questions is far more effective. I also think it helps them develop the skill of critical thinking.
- Health Insurance
Although the Affordable Care Act (ACA) extended coverage of children through age 26, it is a good idea to confirm that your child is covered under your health insurance, especially if the child is going to college out of state or in a different country.
If the child is going to college in a different country, it may be necessary to obtain medical evacuation insurance.
- Medical and Dental Appointments
Before your student leaves for college, it is a good idea to arrange medical and dental appointments, preferably at least a month before they depart.
- Get a copy of their prescriptions, so they can fill them while they are on campus!
- Make sure their vaccinations are all up to date.
- If they have a chronic medical condition, get a copy of their medical records to bring with them to college, especially if there is a possibility that they will need treatment or hospitalization.
One More Things...
These forms should be prepared and signed before they go off to college.
In some cases, the documents may need to be notarized and signed in the presence of witnesses who are not family members. Your bank can normally notarize documents if needed.
Do not rely on downloadable forms and generic forms, as these forms may not be up-to-date. It is best to contact each organization for their own forms. Many financial institutions will want you to complete their own forms, even if you have a durable power of attorney.
If the child is going to college out-of-state, it may be necessary to complete the forms in both states.
Review the forms periodically to ensure that they are up-to-date and comply with changes in state law. It is especially important to review the forms after a significant event, such as a change in marital status or a major diagnosis like cancer.
The child should keep a card in their wallet that specifies that they have these documents (especially a living will, health care proxy, HIPAA authorization and power of attorney), summarizes key provisions (e.g., DNR and DNI) and indicates where the documents can be found.
U.S. men between age 18 and 25, inclusive, are required to register with Selective Service if they want to receive federal student aid. It is a good idea for them to bring a copy of proof of registration with them to college.
You and your son or daughter will get through this. On one hand it is sad to see them go, but on the other it is exciting to see the man or woman that they will become. Good Luck.